To my loyal Apple Subjects,

Do you remember how I told you all that my weight loss was due to a hormone imbalance? Well I may have told you some non-truths about that.

The truth is I do have pancreatic cancer. I have been undergoing one of medicine’s most routine treatments for this illness and had The Proteus and her crew injected into me to cure me of this minor inconvenience.

Everything was going fine until they reached their one hour time limit and started to slowly return to normal size. My immune system immediately started to seek them out and they had to take some evasive action. When they left, they took a lot of my white blood cells with them. mv5bmta2mzm2nzk0mzbeqtjeqwpwz15bbwu2mdm1mjk0ng_v1_sx420_sy305_1

That was quite a fantastic voyage they took. So fantastic that I’ll be taking a 6 month vacation in a lovely plastic bubble on the beach near Waikiki Beach. I figured I deserved the time off. I’ll be returning with the next big thing in July, the iCEO. It’s sleek, stylish, built of recycled organs and completely eco-friendly!

See you in July,